Wordless Wedding(ish): Karen & Stephen’s 40th Anniversary

Wordless Wedding(ish): Karen & Stephen’s 40th Anniversary

Today’s wordless wedding is a bit of a departure from the norm. Karen and Stephen (Elizabeth of Lowe House Events‘ parents) celebrated their fortieth wedding anniversary this summer (you’ll remember Karen’s brilliant post on Marriage, Money and the Long Haul from this past spring), and well, it was too awesome not to share. Because as much as we love weddings here at APW (for obvious reasons), there’s something about witnessing the fruits of a long happy marriage that adds certain a weight and importance to everything we doing here. I mean, we all just want to be able to celebrate forty years of marriage one day, right?

â€"Maddie for Maternity Leave

* Karen, Writer & Stephen, Retired International Lawyer * Photographer: Hart & Sol West (APW Sponsor) * Planner: Lowe House Events (APW Sponsor, and Karen & Stephen are Elizabeth’s parents!) * Soundtrack for reading: “Call On Me” by Big Brother and the Holding Company *

One sentence sum up of the wedding vibe: Our party was celebratory, relaxed, and filled with loving friends and family that made it an event we will never forget.

The Infoâ€"Photography: Hart & Sol West (APW Sponsor) / Planner: Lowe House Events (APW Sponsor, and Karen & Stephen are Elizabeth’s parents!) /Venue: Piedmont Community Center / Catering: Trumpetvine Catering / Cakes: Market Hall Bakery / Flowers: by family friend Kate Kristensen / Balloons: Paper Plus Outlet  / Jazz trio: led by John Spencer / Band: led by Steve Gibson

Other cool stuff we should know about: It was meaningful to have many members of our original wedding party present. The band members were professional musicians who are also our friends and played music from the years that we dated. Stephen sang three songs with them, including, “Call on Me,” dedicated to Karen. Our daughters, Elizabeth and Alexandra, planned and hosted the party, which made it all the more meaningful and touching.

Favorite thing about the party: Being surrounded by so many people we cherish who have been an integral part of our marriage throughout the years was the perfect way to celebrate our long relationship.

This post includes Sponsors, who are a key part of supporting APW. For more information, see our Directory pages for Hart & Sol West and Lowe House Events.

A Practical Wedding: Ideas for Unique, DIY, and Budget Wedding Planning

Kelly Benvenuto Photography in Boston

Kelly Benvenuto Photography in Boston

Sometimes I’m overwhelmed by the mutual gratitude that exists within this community. APWers never shy away from telling you when you’re appreciated, or from supporting you when you need it most. But nothing fills me with the warm fuzzies more than when a sponsor writes the community a thank you back. Possibly because I’ve been in their shoes, so I know just how sincere it is when they tell you all how much you mean. (Do you know how awesome it is to make your living working with just APW couples? It’s like getting to have ice cream for dinner every night and never getting sick.) But in any case, I’m thrilled to end this week on a warm fuzzy note, complements of Kelly Benvenuto Photography in Boston.

But the best part about today’s warm fuzzies is that Kelly isn’t just a sponsor, she’s also a full fledged member of the APW community herself (if we gave out merit badges, she’d have all of them, I think). In fact, Kelly wrote one of my favorite wedding grad posts of all time and even got her mom to submit a post on marriage after forty years. So naturally Kelly’s method of saying thank you today isn’t just in a gushing letter (though, don’t worry, that’s coming). She’s also paying her gratitude forward by adding more flexible and affordable options to her wedding packages and a offering permanent 10% discount on her services for APW readers. Just because she loves you guys. RAD.

But I don’t want to hog the spotlight here. So I’ll let Kelly Benvenuto Photography tell it to you directly:

As it’s the end of my first year in business, and it being November (even though Thanksgiving has passed), it seems an appropriate time to say thank you. Of all the things I have to be grateful for, the APW community ranks near the top of my list. It was my sanity while planning my own wedding, and the readers have helped me launch my business. A recent wedding graduate post talked about how you can’t have “all the weddings,” but I feel so lucky to be present for so many of yours, to see the variety of ways in which your love is celebrated. I am grateful to get to experience the love, affirmation, and sense of community week after week. Even the day after a wedding, when I am exhausted and all I want to do is have a scone and a caffeinated beverage, and lounge around my house, I am sometimes inspired by the overflow of joy from your day to dance around my living room. Last year when I first advertised on APW, I extended a 10% discount for a limited time. As a thank you, I want to make that a permanent 10% off for APW couples.

Now, aside from how obviously lovely Kelly is, can I just back up for a second here? Are you looking at the same photos I am? Because there is no way these pictures are from someone in their first year of business (they make me want to take my own first year of business photos and bury them in the ground forever). They’re just so… alive. Which means if they are this good now, I can’t even fathom what kind of work she’s going to be doing next year or the year after that.

Speaking of Kelly’s photos, I also love what she had to say about her artistic philosophy, because it’s so antithetical to everything the wedding industry tells us is important. She said:

I’m definitely in the camp of “your wedding day is not a photo shoot” and I’ve been trying to find a way to articulate that. As a bride, I cared about my shoes, and my flowers, and many of the little details that went into the day. But when I look at my photos now, I wonder, why did my shoes have a photoshoot? As a photographer, I don’t care about your shoes. I trust that whatever you choose will be right for you, be they gold strappy sandals, blue satin pumps, any color of Converse, or if you choose to go barefoot so you can feel the sand under your feet. But when it comes down to it:I don’t care about the height of your heelâ€"I care about the depth of your emotion. I don’t care about the color of your flowersâ€"I care about the tone of your day. I don’t care if you do a first look, but I care about that moment when you take each other’s breath away. I don’t care if you get married inside or outside, so long as you are open to the experience. I want for you to laugh, maybe shed a few tears, make ardent promises, definitely kiss, and to feel deeply. I want you to soak up the experience and remember exactly how you felt.

And honestly, I get what she means. Because at some point in every wedding your photographer has to make a choice. We have a limited amount of time to capture things and we constantly have to ask ourselves in any given situation, “What matters here?” And what I love about Kelly’s position is that it means she’s always going to go for the human interest rather than the detail. And I don’t know about you, but I’d rather have one picture of my grandma laughing over ten pictures of my centerpieces. Kelly added, “The thing that really underlines all this for me is my belief that the experience of your wedding day is incredibly precious. Your experience and ability to be present is the most important to me. I want to be there to document it for you, not direct it. I don’t think your day needs to be directed, because it is just right as it is, and you are beautiful as you are. Sometimes I think of my approach as that of a friend with a good camera and a lot of training. I want to capture you as you are. I’m not the friend who’s the life of the party, but the quiet one, helping to make sure everything goes smoothly. Though I will absolutely be in the thick of it on the crowded dance floor.”

All of which is just to say that Kelly Benvenuto Photography is someone you can trust with a super important day like your wedding. Not because she’s going to get every single possible shot that ever existed, but because she’s going to capture the shots that really matter, the ones you’re going to want when you’re old and grey, and she’s going to do it without getting in your way or making your wedding feel like a Vogue editorial.

And as part of Kelly Bevenuto Photography’s commitment to accept your wedding as it is, Kelly’s recently restructured her packages to make hiring her more affordable for folks who need a little less coverage than the full day she used to provide. Kelly said, “Last year I talked about how I wanted to be there for the whole wedding day, and offered a full-day rate. And the first part is still trueâ€"I want to be able to photograph the full day for my clients. But some (really awesome!) people just don’t need ten hours of photography, so I’ve redone my packages, and now offer some packages with fewer hours.” So Bostonians, now you can hire Kelly Benvenuto Photography for seven hours of coverage (plus a complimentary engagement session, on-line proofing, and a $ 250 product credit) starting at $ 2,400. Nine hours of coverage is available for $ 3,100 (and comes with a disc of high resolution images). And of course, you can still hire Kelly for the full day for $ 4,000, which includes the engagement session, a disc of high resolution images and a small album or book (which are totally lovely and refreshingly unfussy if you ask me). And don’t forget, all APW readers get 10% off when you book any of Kelly Benvenuto Photography’s packages, and that discount is good for forever just because Kelly thinks you’re awesome and wants to work with you. Swoon.

So Boston and New England, you couldn’t be in better hands. Kelly Benvenuto Photography is one of you, and all she wants to do is give you the best wedding vendor experience you could ask for. On top of that, her images leave my jaw somewhere between my face and the center of the earth, they are that good. So go! Peruse her galleries (try not to drool over her talent) and then share some of that awesome New England wedding magic with her that I know ya’ll are planning (I’ve been to your weddings. I know you pride yourselves on having the most fun ever). And then when you’re done you can come back and share the pictures with me for when I’m feeling homesick, yeah? Ok, good.

A Practical Wedding: Ideas for Unique, DIY, and Budget Wedding Planning

Ask Team Practical: Unmarried Holidays

Ask Team Practical: Unmarried Holidays

with Liz

My mom and I have always been pretty close, but we had a blow out argument the other week that I’m still trying to wrap my head around. Basically, she told me that since I am not married I have no obligation to my boyfriend’s family and should be spending more of my holiday time with her. Now, my boyfriend and I have been together for five years, and I feel my mom gets more than her fair share of our timeâ€"at least fifty percent with the other fifty percent divided up between my boyfriend’s family and my father (as my parents are divorced). I feel guilty not spending every holiday with my mom since she doesn’t have a significant other, and I feel that if I’m not there, she’s alone, but that’s not really fair to everyone else in this equation.

I really would appreciate the advice anyone who has gone through this situation has to offer. How do I show my mother that I do care about my own family, but still feel an obligation to my boyfriend’s family? We plan on getting married, but I don’t think my single status in the meantime should demote the value and commitment of our relationship. I’m just so frustrated and really don’t want to hurt feelings!

-Not Married But Still Important!!

Dear NMBSI,

I think you pretty much said it yourself. Marriages aren’t the only valid relationship. As an adult building a community around yourself, you get to choose whose lives you’d like to invest in, who you enjoy being around, and how you spend your time. That’s the same truth whether you’re married, engaged, dating, or if you’re single and enjoying your friendships. Sure, a wedding makes a nice symbolic gesture of growing up and out of your parents’ home, but that same kind of change happens when you grow up whether you’re married or not. Parents eventually need to move over a bit and make room for all of the other awesome folks in your life.

But that’s all stuff you know! I’m just preaching to the choir, I think. The real question isn’t whether you should spend time with folks other than your mom on the holidays, right? It’s how to go about it. I guess, as usual, the first step is a conversation. Talk to your mom, make it clear that you love her, but you can’t always demonstrate that by giving her every second of your holiday time. She’ll probably be hurt or angry or (if she’s like my mom) try a guilt trip. (If she mentions anything about carrying you for nine long months, just run in the other direction.) But the point of this conversation isn’t to make her angry or make you feel guilty; it’s to reach a compromise. Knowing that she can’t possibly have all your time (stand firm on that!) find out what would make her feel she’s getting a good chunk of “us” time.

She very well may continue to argue that you’re not married to this guy, so you don’t owe his family anything. And while it’s true that you’re not married, that’s entirely beside the point. It’s not about who you owe your time, it’s about spending time with the people you care about in this moment. Combating, “You’re not married!” with, “But we will be someday!” isn’t so effective as being frank that even though you’re not married into this family, they’re important to you right now.

The “right now” is sort of key to me. Because the thing is, you don’t know what’s going to happen in the futureâ€"even if you do get married. Relationships wax and wane, and maybe some years you’re going to want to spend the holidays with just your family, or just his. But the point is, trying to predict the importance of that future now is futile. So you’ve gotta work with what’s in your hand now. If spending time with your partner’s family is important to you right now, then that’s valid. (Do you hear me? It’s valid. Keep repeating that to yourself.)

All that said, your mom counts among those that are important to you right now. You want to be sure that you are including her, though maybe not giving her every second of your time. Being alone around the holidays can be a really terrible, painful thing. Having that chat about how to make your mom feel loved during the holidays can prevent her from feeling left out, while allowing you room to care for all of the other important people in your life.

Of course, the reality is that even with these diplomatic conversations, your mom may never be happy with the idea of sharing you. Transitions like these, they take time. And as much as it might suck, sometimes part of that transition is having the people you love be unhappy with your decisions. So if this year doesn’t work itself out how you’d hoped, don’t beat yourself up over it. You can’t make everyone happy all the time; all you can do is honor what you know is best for you and your family (both new and old) and own your decisions without regret (which I always have to remind myself of this time of year).

*****

Team Practical, how do you balance caring for your important relationships around the holidays?

Photo by APW sponsor Vivian Chen Photography.

If you would like to ask Team Practical a question please don’t be shy! You can email Liz at: askteampractical [at] apracticalwedding [dot] com. If you would prefer to not be named, anonymous questions are also accepted. Though it really makes our day when you come up with a clever sign-off!

This post includes Sponsors, who are a key part of supporting APW. For more information, see our Directory page for Vivian Chen Photography.

A Practical Wedding: Ideas for Unique, DIY, and Budget Wedding Planning

Should You Rock Your Wedding Dress? [Photo Gallery]

Should You Rock Your Wedding Dress? [Photo Gallery]

Do you remember those stiff bridal portraits that used to be popular, where the bride was sitting on a staircase and her dress is billowing out around her? I’m glad they’ve gone out of fashion.

Instead, trends seem to be moving toward more relaxed shots like the above. I’ve heard photos like this described as “rock-the-dress” shoots, where you typically roam around outdoors in your wedding dress — the more unusual the spot, the better — with a photographer in tow. It’s like the trash-the-dress shots but without any dress trashing.

Currently, I’m debating doing a rock-the-dress shoot like this. In fact, the lovely styled shoot above by Alison Vagnini was shot at the historical Hermitage, where I’ll get married in July. As of right now, my fiance and I have selected a photography package that doesn’t include one of these shoots — we’ve opted to see how the money shakes out before doing something we see as an extra instead of an essential. But these photos are really making me second-guess that decision. The Hermitage kindly allows clients to use the property on a non-wedding day for a shoot, and the property is so large, varied and gorgeous that it’s really tempting to return and take full advantage of the surroundings.

I’m curious. Which photography packages have you opted for or are considering for your wedding?

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Please share any thoughts on the matter — why you chose the package that you did or if you were really happy you got an extra shoot or felt that you should have skipped one of the extras and allotted the money to something else or whatever. I’d love some insight!

Vendors

Photography: Alison Vagnini Photography

Venue: The Hermitage, Home of President Andrew Jackson

Dress: Olia Zavozina Couture

Hair: Robyn Gilliam Hair Design

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